Manners on the Move

Friday, April 13th, 2012

You might have seen the BBC Breakfast show piece yesterday morning on coffee shop manners, in which our own William Hanson participated in a lively discussion about coffee shop manners.

Nowadays, we are all in such a supposed rush, and people think little about talking on their mobiles in public, texting, tweeting and checking emails.  It is easy to get carried away when queuing, and waiting to be served for a takeaway coffee is no different.  But surely we should remember that the people serving behind the counter deserve our respect too?  It rarely is a matter of life and death whether we take a call, but if a really urgent call comes in just as you reach the head of the queue or whilst you are being served, either say ‘excuse me’ to the barista – first – and then ask the caller to wait for just a moment whilst you move to a quiet spot – or call them back within two minutes. Put yourself in the shoes of the barista.  If you were serving behind a counter and a customer ignored you in favour of pushing buttons on his phone, wouldn’t you feel just a little miffed? Basic courtesies should follow every step:  your order, paying, and then delivery.  A simple please and thank you will do – no need to have a long discussion about global warming. When you have purchased your drink, sit down in a quiet corner and make the call, or better still go out of the coffee bar.  As William’s co-guest said yesterday morning on the BBC, in the old days one might have read a newspaper instead of sending a text or email.  Try it!

Talking of queueing, manners are deteriorating here too.  They seem to go off the scale now as we wait in line and crowds increase, and particularly if we have a self regulating order and no barriers.  Remember your manners on the move; queue quietly, in line and in an orderly fashion.  You might even start up a conversation with someone and make a friend.

Treat others as you wish to be treated yourself, and have just a few minutes without being glued to the phone.

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Christmas Gift Giving

Wednesday, December 21st, 2011

Those final panic buying moments are upon us!  Every year most of us promise ourselves we will be organised with presents wrapped by November and cards written and ready to send well before that final posting date, but I find that every year I get less efficient!  Time is short for everyone, and this year finances are stretched.

A few golden rules of good manners and common sense. Set a budget and be prepared to exceed by 50% the closer to Christmas Eve you leave your purchasing, due to pressure of time and last minute choice.  However, this year many shops have started knock down sale prices early, so leaving it til the last minute may produce a real bargain.  Don’t bankrupt yourself for the sake of keeping up appearances, measured generosity can still mean luxury.

Buy the best you can afford on your budget, go for quality, timelessness and classic detail, whether it is the Little Black Dress in Whistles’ sale, or a leather bound photograph album from Noble Macmillan which can be engraved for as little as £3.

Gift giving is  not entirely selfless as there is a warm glow for the donor to perceive the look of joy on the face of the recipient if they have chosen well.  Have the recipient firmly in mind when you buy – what are their likes and dislikes, what are their hobbies?  Try to match gift to recipient and in this way you are almost certain of a winner.  In the likely event you will receive something yourself which is utterly ghastly, open it with an even expression and try to contain your dismay – one man’s treasure is another’s junk, and you can do great things to keep up the recycling trend next time there is a birthday or a raffle prize being sought, as long as you ensure the giver is nowhere near the second recipient and you have not used it!  As my colleague William Hanson says, there should be six steps of separation between gift and giver….

A busy year has led to my gross inefficiency in card writing and present buying in 2011. Friends of The English Manner will note they are missing a formal card – having run out at a crucial stage I ordered more online but they have failed to materialise, so tomorrow we resort to an emailshot.  Mea culpa.

Yesterday I had just one hour in which to race around Sloane Square to source last minute gifts for those I had either left until last due to lack of inspiration or the teenager’s umpteen friends.  If someone not on your list suddenly produces a present, don’t be cowed into reciprocating, remember to thank gratefully and gracefully but stick to your budget.  You can consider next year if it might be necessary, but don’t run yourself ragged dashing out to give something in return.  Christmas gifts should be reserved for those closest to you, but make sure you have some extra boxes of chocolate or luxury soap to take as a last minute invitation hostess gift.  The teenager herself has produced the inextensive but decidedly expensive wish list – Chanel no 5, Links charms for the bracelet and an Olympics wristband which is rather cute, anything from Jack Wills (I wish I had thought up that company), and iPhone and a pair of Russell and Bromley riding boots.  The boots are certainly out at £345, but in the window they have suddenly produced a pair of weatherproof rubber boots in an exact replica with a tan top for £145 – they are just darling….

I recognise that many do not have easy access to London shops, and there are some brilliant retailers in the provinces.  Bath, Birmingham, Bristol’s Cabot Circus, Leeds, York, Edinburgh, and out of towners such as the wonderful Daylesford in Stow…. But for me London and with the clock ticking, I began my last minute sourcing quest in the age old bastions of good manners and taste – Sloane Square.  First off the grocery emporium of Partridges where one can buy just about any deluxe brand or sweetmeat and watch the world go by with a cup of steaming coffee and a croissant – when time permits and no deadlines loom.  Fabulous stocking fillers here – macaroons, marzipan fruits, chocolates and candies.  For the last minute table, brightly patterned Caspari napkins, extensive wine collections and quirky but traditional ‘extras’ such as Gentleman’s Relish and Duchy Originals marmalade.

From here I traced my footsteps back through Duke of York Square past The alma mater of the Duchess of Cambridge – Jigsaw.  Always a favourite and now they have some fabulous party clothes and great weekend and country clothes such as tweed hacking jackets or smart grey flannel blazers.  The sales are starting and this is the perfect time to dress up for Christmas Day or the New Year’s Eve party you are committed to attend.

If in doubt, go to Peter Jones or indeed any branch of John Lewis, to find perfect household gifts and some jolly good ranges of extras.  James handmade chocolates, Rococo nougat, good champagne, and yesterday a new range by Parisian deli Fauchon; perfect.

The superb leather goods designer, Franchetti Bond, has slashed items in their sale and I defy anyone not to think some of their bags could be Hermes at a hundred paces, for a fraction of the price – and I spied an orange copy Birkin in the window of Viyella the other day – run girls, run!

For fans of The White Company, 30% off some of their items.  Fabulous soap, diffusers, candles and the most gorgeous winter wreath of dried orange, cinnamon and raffia to hang above the Aga, or simply on an internal door, to waft delicious citrus and Christmassy smells throughout the festivities.

Gifts of food are usually well received.  Even the most diet conscious may take a chocolate or two from the box at Christmas, and home made gifts show a great deal of thought and care.  If desperate turn to the trick so beautifully presented in ‘I don’t know how she does it’ – buy luxury mince pies from M&S or Waitrose; make up a lovely gift box with tissue and ribbon, liberally sift icing sugar on top of said pies and cover with florist’s cellophane to present as a gift with love and aplomb!

And finally, one final rule of thumb for the chaps.  Remember boys, if she says she only wants a new toaster/washing machine/wok she doesn’t mean it.   The hidden text here is diamonds….

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Tomato Ketchup Etiquette

Sunday, July 31st, 2011

Following on from our last post on barbecue etiquette., here is our guide to eating tomato ketchup correctly.

Tomato Ketchup is an accompaniment to food and so, by definition, is a condiment.  The key to condiment etiquette is to take small portions on to your plate, and never to smear it all over a burger or a roll direct from the bottle or knife!

When entertaining, never allow the bottle of tomato ketchup anywhere near the table, no matter how ‘posh’ the manufacturer – Heinz is probably still the best and easiest to get out of the bottle!  Shake the bottle well, holding the cap, and then tip or spoon into a small pot.  For a chic barbeque or supper, serve guests with individual tiny pots (ramekins) and small spoons so they can take their own.

Always spoon ketchup directly on to the plate, as one would with a sauce or jelly.  At a formal meal, never ask for it unless it is already on the table, and never dip anything into the bowl.  If you do find a bottle on a table at a supper party, never squirt it all over food, don’t mix it with salt and pepper and don’t eat it with your fingers!

 

Alexandra Messervy
Founder, The English Manner 

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Super Servants, Super Service

Friday, January 7th, 2011

The English Manner has long used the phrase ‘super-service’ when training in private households, yachts, planes and hotels.  To our minds, this means the employee reaching their utmost potential and giving 110% to their tasks, ensuring that nothing is left to chance and that the needs of every guest or household are anticipated before they even know they desire it!

Domestic service has become fashionable in the media in the past few weeks thanks to the fabulous ‘Downton Abbey’ and a revival of the old favourite, ‘Upstairs Downstairs’, and we applaud this as there is no doubt that working for others in this way has become something to be looked down upon in the eyes of the world, and is no longer recognised for what it is: a fabulous career path with the potential to travel, broaden your horizons and skill levels; and good potential rewards – and relationships -  for life.

Downton Abbey staff

The staff of ITV's hit Downton Abbey

But the tide is turning and we are getting daily enquiries for traditional training with a modern twist – for the ‘super-servant’ – a personal concierge who can multitask (women do this as a matter of course!) juggling diaries and schedules, dinner parties and driving, school runs and swimming pool maintenance, alongside purchasing property, wines and antiques and balancing portfolios of fine art with treasury bonds.

Economically it made sense for staff to live in, now they are earning so much money in these high profile roles that they often own their own homes, and without the financial need, they and their employers welcome the privacy and space afforded by shutting the front door at the end of the day, unless they can afford the mews house next door!

Days though are usually long, and often involve extensive overseas travel, constantly changing schedules, and sometimes an innate lack of understanding of any form of private life or personal ties.  These roles are not for the encumbered, they are ideal for the sophisticated with an eye for detail, with an understanding of how to enjoy the finest things in life, without crossing the line.  Both parties have to learn to keep their distance otherwise disaster strikes; nannies have always accompanied the family on outings but did not usually join dinner parties, and in a bygone era, everyone knew their place.  Most people under the age of 60 do not have any personal experience of private staff whatsoever.  As a result, our attitudes have changed, and most employers now feel uncomfortable around their staff, either over compensating by charm or, more often than not, by being standoffish and plain rude.  It is our task to educate the employer as much as the employee, and show them how to respect those who work for them and with them.  If that is achieved, high morale and retention follow.

Most staff at the highest levels now have their own assistants but the hierachy is nothing like the days of ‘Downton Abbey’ when the local villagers would vie to work in the ‘big house’ rather than in the mill, the mine or even on the land.  In London most junior domestic staff come from overseas, precisely because working for others has been regarded as the lowest of the low by we British for some years, and we are trying hard at The English Manner to educate young people to start to train for domestic service.  Many who might have taken a gap year will now miss out on a university place:  what better way to start work than to train for a secure household as a mother’s help, cook or housekeeper?  Our sister company, The Household Academy, runs regular classes for traditional training in these roles, as well as bespoke training for those who may have already begun their career but who want to make the leap to House Manager or PA, and need to acquire the extra skills and confidence to do so.

London is now home to a vast tranche of overseas wealth as well as UK based super-rich such as hedge fund managers and City bankers.  Money rules now more than ever before and with that wealth comes the need for presentable, well spoken staff who can turn their hand to any task.  Let’s put some pride back into the household and instead of allowing the plum jobs to be taken by those who have seen the opportunity from Australia, America or Italy, encourage our young people, as well as those who perhaps are leaving military service careers in early middle age, to go back to basics and train in the traditional methods of private service but with a modern twist:  money rules, and the world has to prove it can rise up to the challenge of servicing it.

Alexandra Messervy
Founder, The English Manner

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Oh We Do Like to Be Beside the Seaside

Thursday, July 22nd, 2010

Holiday time is here again and it is time to pick up the bucket and spade, pack up the suitcases with clothes that won’t be worn, and load up the car to the gills… a stressful time at best, compounded by a typical summer of downpours, sea mist and cool winds.

But, this summer so far has shown that there is a glimmer of hope and temperatures have been warmer and sunnier than the last few years at least.  My family and I have just returned from the delightful Devon coastal town of ‘Chelsea on Sea’ aka Salcombe, and it struck us that a word on the etiquette of English travel might be topical.

Salcombe Panorama

The Englishman Abroad is easily spotted – very pale skin with patches caught by the sun after months of cashmere cover-ups – a battered straw panama hat and trousers somewhere just below the knee which can make the wearer look like a sack of potatoes. As one would expect in Salcombe, there were degrees of Jack Wills (its original home town) preppy chic; Abercombie & Fitch copy-cat versions and a degree of the White Stuff surf brigade, though on the wrong coast.  Not just for the teens, there were plenty of parents sporting the same looks, with additional gravitas added by Henry Lloyd and the occasional spotting of some Ralph Lauren here and there.  All this added up to a glorious technicolour of fairly smart and expensive gear, entirely in keeping with the now astronomical prices being charged for a sandwich and a latte (£8.50 for a cheese sandwich in one popular water-view pub!).

What was apparent, thankfully, was a complete lack of the popular recent look of men of certain post-teenage years wearing a singlet vest with knee length shorts – not a good look, even in the Caribbean.  We were pleased to note that not only was the trend absent, but the unthinking, rude and uncaring behaviour which seems to accompany this fashion was also absent.  People queued politely and in line for the ferries to and from East Portlemouth and South Sands; there was no pushing in the ice cream melee and guests chatted jovially at the bars.  What a marked contrast to Oxford Street yesterday in the sweltering heat, when so many tourists (more than 70% of which appeared to be European) jostled, shoved and on occasion just barged through the throng.  Doors shut in faces, hot sweaty bodies dressed more for the beach at Blackpool than one of central London’s premier shopping areas, and a great deal of what our friends in the USA term ‘jaywalking’.

Not everyone has the ability, financial or otherwise to make it to Salcombe, Rock or Cap Ferrat this year, but wherever one’s holiday and business travels take you to, do remember some common courtesy and basic good manners.  Be polite, be friendly, be patient and dress for the occasion.  And take an umbrella!

Alexandra Messervy
Founder, The English Manner

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The English Manner has some wonderful English made umbrellas and will shortly have a range of travel products available for our travellers.  Do get in touch for details, and in the meantime we are pleased to recommend some ‘must haves’ for travel this year.

Some of our best loved travel essentials include ‘Travel Pak’; a comprehensive set of anti-bacterial gel, wipes, tissues, body wash and tissues, with a fantastic added bonus of disposable loo seat covers.  Available from Amazon at around £16 rrp, and some good chemists.  We also recommend a failsafe pashmina in a neutral colour, our favourites are from Pure Cashmere and come in a range of colours with some glorious pastels and hotter shades for cooler nights.  Check out a good eye mask and ear plugs for air travel, and arm yourself with an indulgent set of bath time essentials from Jo Malone – we love the lime and basil shampoo and the grapefruit fragrance.  For cleansing, exfoliating and moisturizing, look no further than the mini La Prairie set, which comes complete with a hanging wash-bag and make up pouch, perfect for any location.

For those heading to South Devon, check out supper at Dick & Wills, a new waterside brasserie in Salcombe with a fabulous view.  Not cheap, but the best food we ate during our recent stay; and a latte at the Wardroom with or after breakfast is a treat – cheerful fast service, nicely presented home cooked food and a full frontal view.  Further afield, try the Oyster Shack at Bigbury-on-Sea and the Sloop Inn at Bantham, just beside a brilliant beach.

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