How The Queen Sets a Good Example

Thursday, April 19th, 2012

In the second part of the Andrew Marr-fronted documentary on the BBC ’The Diamond Queen’ we discovered what traits make a magnificent Monarch. As we approach what would have been the London Season, traditionally beginning after Easter and ending with the “Glorious Twelfth” (12th August), the start of the shooting season for red grouse, we see things have evolved.

In 1958 the last of the debutant balls was held in Buckingham Place for ‘high society’ and an altogether more inclusive tradition began, The Garden Party. The willingness to embrace change and be more flexible in an ever-changing world was paramount to the young Queen.

The invitations are sent out to people from all walks of life: train drivers, nurses, teachers and factory workers, heralding a much more modern Monarchy. An astounding 27,000 cups of tea are served, 20,000 cakes and sandwiches are made, with guests consuming an average of 14 items each! These events have three essential ingredients’ the attendance of the Queen and Prince Philip, the guests and the Great British weather.

Her Majesty wanted to be more accessible, and connect with her subjects, just as her father and mother, King George VI and Queen Elizabeth, had been before her. Also introduced is the notion of themed lunches and events; these can include actors, writers, scientists, and explorers, for example.

The importance of these events is massive, as The Queen selects the guest list herself. She remains involved from the concept meeting and attends regular briefing sessions. When the Queen mingles at these events it is astonishing how knowledgeable She is about her guests.

The individuals and groups come from all backgrounds and cultures the main objective is to ensure a personal connection.

The Queen has always had a clear sense of purpose and a natural empathy with everyone She meets. These are essential traits in influencing others and she has them in abundance.

I love the story Prince William, Duke of Cambridge recounted about his and Kate’s wedding guest list, “I was presented with a list with 777 names, I looked at it and there was not one person on there I knew. I had a sense of fear and dread about what was going to happen… So I rang my grandmother for some clarification and was told, it was ridiculous and to start a list of my own friends first!”  The Queen is a clear communicator, articulating in a genuine and honest way what she thinks William must do! Listening to what others have to say and understanding what they need creates a positive outcome for everyone.

HRH Henry of Wales, says with a cheeky smile, “She allows members of the family to go away and find their own way, however if you get it wrong, standby, you will be put back in your place and rightly so!” The best way for others to learn is by setting a good example and allowing them to make their own mistakes gaining valuable life experiences that will in turn make them as credible as Her.

At a speech delivered to the Mothers’ Union denouncing divorce and separation, a young Elizabeth said, “Divorce is producing some of the darkest evils in society” In her reign three of her children have divorced.

Biting the bullet and being the bigger person She said in her Christmas address, “1992 is not a year on which I shall look back with undiluted pleasure. In the words of one of my more sympathetic correspondents, it has turned out to be an Annus Horribilis”.

The experiences, mistakes and life lessons shape us all add to who we are. Through all of this The Queen has maintained her poise, professionalism and put her own feelings to one side.

If you have any or all of the highlighted traits you are indeed an Influencer:

‘A power affecting a person, thing, or course of events, especially one that operates without any direct or apparent effort.’

If you do not possess any of these traits then you could be considered a Manipulator:

‘To influence or manage shrewdly or deviously, to tamper with or falsify for personal gain.’

The behaviours that The Queen exhibits and the way She conducts Herself both personally and professionally can teach us all something. If you feel you would benefit from being more of the former and less of the later, you know where I am

Finally I think HRH Duke of Cambridge says it all, “Every organization needs to look at itself, the Monarchy which is a constantly evolving machine, wants to reflect society and move with the times. It is important it does so for it’s own survival.”

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The Queen: A Real Gem & True Mentor

Wednesday, March 21st, 2012

The QueenIn just over a month it will be The Queen’s 85th Birthday; I would like to share with you my 40-year relationship with this fascinating lady.

I have been watching the excellent Andrew Marr-fronted documentary on the BBC ‘The Diamond Queen’. I realised very quickly my knowledge of Elizabeth II is coloured by events in my own life and I was on a journey of discovery about a lady that has been a constant thread.

The Queen was my father’s boss for 25 years, as he served in the Royal Air Force. Her likeness was on the coins I used to purchase my Saturday sweets and comics. She was even in the cinema with me, as the national anthem was played at the beginning of all films, when we were stationed abroad. I have seen her children get married and sadly divorced, the funeral of her mother and then the marriages of some of her Grandchildren. I have celebrated her Birthday and she was always at our house for Christmas Lunch at 3pm, punctual as ever.

I really feel I know her!

I was happily mistaken there is even more to this extraordinary gem of a woman. Elizabeth Alexandra Windsor is a person with many facets, an individual in her own right; a mother \ grandmother, indeed a great grandmother and the CEO of possibly one of the most unusual companies in the world!

During the first episode HRH The Duke of Cambridge reflects on how difficult it must have been at 25 years old to be the Monarch.

He smiles and replies with admiration in his voice, “It must have been very daunting to have all that responsibility placed on her in a time which was so male dominated.” Prince William goes on to say that his Grandmother is a true professional at her trade and knows how to engage with everyone to make them feel comfortable.”

Authenticity is a real gift; to make others feel valued reaps huge rewards for everyone. When we all take the time to be ourselves and listen we learn so much more. Winston Churchill was highly regarded by the Queen as a great orator who she said, ‘spoke in a romantic and glittering way.’ In their later dealings she discovered he was not such a good listener.

As Epictetus the Greek philosopher said, “We have two ears and one month so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.”

I think of all the people the Queen has had the privilege of meeting and they her: it is an illustrious list filled with Kings, Queens, Presidents, Prime Ministers, movie stars, artist, musicians and even us.

Prince Harry commented, “The Queen carries herself so well and has a smile that brings a room to life.” She brings to these events colour, confidence, poise and always a touch of humour. I love the fact that as a child when the young Elizabeth was told to read more, she chose to read comedies by P. G. Woodhouse.

As the programme continued I was totally unprepared at my reaction to a speech Elizabeth gave in South Africa when she was only 21.  She read from the prepared script with such clarity of thought and dignity:

“I declare before you all that my whole life, whether it be long or short, shall be devoted to your service and the service of our great Imperial family to which we all belong, but I shall not have the strength to carry out this resolution alone unless you join in with me, as I now invite you to do. I know that your support will be unfailingly given. God help me to make good my vow and God bless all of you who are willing to share in it.” 

As the words resonated in my head I could see how focussed and motivated she was in achieving her task, however still gracious enough to ask for support.

We all need help, support or a sounding board to enable us to be the best we can be. David Cameron, the present Prime Minister says of his weekly meetings with the Queen, “There is no-one else in the room just us, this makes me think more clearly and focuses my mind. She helps me to reveal my deepest thinking and worries about issues, that really helps you reach the answers. It is quiet simply always a frank, open and informative meeting.”

Most top CEO’s have a mentor that makes them accountable, keeps them focussed and motivated. As the programme draws to an end I realise with a smile, I have something in common with the Queen: I too do this for my clients.

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All about choice

Wednesday, December 14th, 2011

The festive season is upon us, with a glass ‘half full’ of mulled wine and mince pie in hand I would ask you to reflect on the year that has past.

I wonder how many of you are thinking about the things you have not accomplished rather than your achievements?

Come on be honest…did your shoulders drop, did you feel disappointed or did you focus on the positive elements, smile and feel thankful?

When you focus on the positive elements in your life it will enhance your physical as well as your mental wellbeing. You are also more likely to take on new challenges / experiences and have less tension in your body.

When you embrace a Positive Mental Attitude (PMA) you acknowledge disappointments and mistakes, however you don’t get lost in them. They become the building blocks of your future successes.  I have found with many of my clients that once they see they have a choice to have a glass ‘half empty or half full’ they actually become more positive.

The power of PMA is obvious in many top businessmen and women. Think about those who inspire you professionally and personally and why?

So if I were to ask you again to reflect on 2011 with your new PMA you will be able to list your top 3 achievements, recognise past disappointments and learn from them and have the most amazing 2012.

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UK Leaders’ Debate No. 2: It’s not what you say it’s the way that you say it!

Friday, April 23rd, 2010

Communication is made up of three parts: the words we use, the tonality of our voices, and our body language. We use all of these traits everyday to let the people around us know how we feel and think.  55% of our communication is through body language; approximately 38% is based on tonality of the voice and 7% on our actual words.

So with this in mind, ding ding, round 2 of the election debate, and they’re off…

David Cameron leans into the podium to show us he is ready for action his tone is slightly aggressive and his brow is knitted. He starts by using the audience members’ name, great for rapport building, whilst maintaining eye contact. The wording David chooses is reflective initially and then he uses BUT; this changes the direction of his answer, allowing him to change the subject. As the debate progresses the hand gestures, a softened fist with the thumb running along the side of the index finger conveys a middle of the road speaker. By the end of the debate David has been adopting the precision grip, hand turned upward pinching fingers together. This implies that he will attend to the smallest details and can be trusted to get it100% right.

Nick Clegg begins in an up right posture, chin in a neutral position, ready to take on the question. He begins with an anecdote about chocolate, adds a pinch of humour and then backs it up in the language of the audience with facts. The words, his tone and body language are all congruent. The hand gesture of palms facing, shoulder width apart, fingers splayed and pointed towards the audience. This is an attempt to connect with them and close the gap.

Gordon Brown starts well with a smug smile, very small hand gestures, strong-planted feet, which give him balance and make him, appear comfortable. The tone and use of language made the audience sit up. The humour card is played with Gordon comparing David and Nick to his two squabbling children. This is quickly followed up with an embracing gesture, arms out in front, drawing the audience toward him. Gordon is using this to say I will keep you safe, very fatherly, whilst influencing you to his way of thinking. The final gesture that seems to appear most frequently from Gordon is the palm down, generally associated with authority and directive behavior. A type of ‘I am in charge and that’s final’!

I hope that when you watch round 3 you will start to notice these gestures and by doing so, get a clearer picture of what is actually being said.

The fantastic thing about all the speakers is that they have been coached brilliantly! I think they will all need to pull something very interesting out of the bag for the next debate.

The poet and philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “What you are doing speaks so loudly I can’t hear what you say.” Too true!

Louisa Miles
Echo Motivational & Life Coaching
www.echomotivates.com

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